I’ve been avoiding this blog. Sure, I’ve been busy, but I’ve also felt like I didn’t have much to say. Nothing major has been going in my sobriety. I also didn’t like feeling like I had to say something profound or meaningful. I guess that’s a common dillemma for a writer–what if I have nothing worth saying? I see now, though, that it’s not about trying to be wise or important. The important thing is that I share about my experiences in sobriety.
Anxiety has been a common theme for me lately. I work at a software company, and the down economy has hurt us. We laid off half of our 100 person staff in October. We have contracts with American car companies, and if they go belly up, I may lose MY job. Add romantic anxiety to economic insecurity. I’ve kept up a great friendship with my last girlfriend (who left me in the depths of my drinking and using). A couple of days ago I told her that I have strong feelings for her, and she said she’d been thinking about possibly resuming our romantic relationship, too. But there are negatives here, too. She lives in the city, I live in a suburb 30 minutes away. She is a normie with many musician friends who love to go out to clubs for drinks. There’s also another guy she’s been dating, but it’s “not serious.” So even though we both agree that there’s something there for us, there are obstacles. I’m practicing patience.
The only thing that keeps me going in the face of these things, and the rest of life I can’t control, is my program. I get to meetings. I talk to other alcoholics. And I maintain my spiritual condition by staying in contact with God. I pray for patience, love, and tolerance in all my dealings with other people. This keeps me going.
